January-April 2020
Nicole here 👋🏼I’m sitting at my makeshift office, one day away from my 29th birthday, marveling at the shit-storm that 2020 has proven to be. She really has taken the round-house-kick-to-the-throat feeling to a new level.
We have always said we will share the good, the bad, and the ugly in this blog. Too often, social media is an outlet for perfection, but life is rarely ever perfect. The following is a compilation of the Facebook postings we made about our journey to start our family. Someday, I hope we can look back on these posts and cry tears of joy as we listen to the giggles of innocent tiny humans in the background. I wish.
January 2, 2020
“Life is such a weird thing. We grew up together… kinda…we should have met at least a half dozen times, but didn’t… Then all of a sudden our worlds, ideologies, and passions collided. We have managed to cram SO much life into our four years together. Lots of laughter, lots of growth, and soon, lots of new lessons (and sleepless nights 😅).
This kid better be poppin’ out with a pour-over in it’s hands because we are going to need all the caffeine we can get!
Super big shout out to our nearest and dearest for all of the support these last months as we pretend like we know what we are doing. Here’s to the wildest ride yet!”
January 8, 2020
💜Today marks the half way point.💜 @ Voodoo Doughnut
January 11, 2020
All the guesses were right because… We. Are. Having. Twins. 😧😅🥰Sooo… last night when we had our 20 week ultrasound (our first ultrasound), we got the surprise of a lifetime! We started and it was so clear with the first image that there were two heads just hanging out, waiting to be discovered. We made an in-the-moment “that’s-a-game-changer-ladies” decision and decided to find out the genders. We are so, SO excited that we get to be mommies to twins. This was our dream of all dreams and has been joked about, wished for, and even jokingly drawn up weeks and months prior. What a turn of events, right? If anyone sees a book labeled “The Plan” on the side of the road, our bad. We threw it out the window last night right before 7pm.
January 15, 2020
This is our framily during our 4th Annual Thanksmas Celebration back in December @ellensburgpasta (they rock!). Everything since Friday night has been a bit of a blur, but these guys have been so amazing it’s unreal! We love you all so much and are so glad we get to navigate this adult thing together. Happy Wednesday to all!
January 15, 2020 8pm
This marked the beginning of the longest 13 hours of our marriage, our partnership, and our lives.
January 16, 2020 8:36am and 8:42am
Our whole worlds changed.
January 20, 2020
It is with two of the heaviest of hearts that we make this post to let you (our family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, followers, etc) know that on Thursday morning, we lost our babies. After a 12+ hour fight to stop contractions, my water broke and Harper Lee and Walter Scout were both born. It was just too early to be able to do anything for them. They lived their very short amount of time with us holding, loving, and soaking them in. It is the hardest thing we have ever been through, both individually and as a couple. We are fortunate enough to have this entire week to grieve, recover physically, and just be with one another. This experience has brought us so much closer together already and will only continue to do so. Our close friends and family have really stepped up and made sure that we (and our animal family) are taken care of. We could not do this without them. This is not something that we will shy away from or never talk about. We just need to get through this extremely tough part first. We will each have good and bad days and even hours at times so bear with us. We really, really appreciate how excited everyone has been for us during this journey but now we have to ask you all to respect the privacy and space that is needed during this time, not only for us but for our families and best friends.
February 18, 2020
“We decided we needed something to look forward to. So @thelumineers here we come! In, like, six months… 😆”
February 19, 2020
“Yesterday marked our 1 Year Anniversary for this Two of a Tribe thing 🎉 It’s been a very full year with many landmarks; some extremely happy and some of which we never thought we would experience and frankly never wanted to. What’s the good that’s come from it? Love ❤️ I can safely say we are each other’s best friends, our families are as close as they have ever been, and we have a crystal clear vision of who our framily is (friend+family= framily). We have a mighty tribe and we thank each and every one of you for the support this last year, especially this last month. Do me a favor? Share one thing that you are excited for in the upcoming year? (Nicole here and I’m stuck at home with laryngitis and a sinus infection). Cute animal pictures will also suffice 💛🐶🐱🐰 “
February 20, 2020
February 23, 2020
Nicole here- The rain and snow have 100% changed my plan for the day. I thought I was picking up dog poo 💩 and tidying the side lawn 🍁 , riding it if it’s leaves. Snow and rain means for-fuckin-sure-hell-no o’clock came early today!
So, introspection it is! Now, you could say my perspective has changed a lot lately. One big one is trusting the good in people (specifically when it comes to goods/money).
About a month ago, a lady reached out to me via a local sale site to inquire about the camera I was selling. I was asking $400 she only has $300, but we had such a genuine conversation. The conversation resulted in Olivia and I crying in bed (something that used to be unheard that is now a staple in our lives). So, metaphorical tissue hanging out of both nostrils, I made the weirdest deal I’ve made on a sale. The gal is in the midst of starting her own silver jewelry business, so I asked her to make a piece in honor of Walter and Harper.
There was no way to know if she would come through, if she would take the camera (and eventually the $100 lens I loaned her- seriously what am I thinking these days?!), and disappear. “Go on take the money and run… woo boo hoo!” Style.
She didn’t disappear. She is doing the thing. 💜💙💜💙
If you know of anyone else experiencing this pain, send them this post in a message? We want someone else to know they aren’t alone. They are loved. We can sit together with this one.
March 22, 2020
*Written March 22, 2020 | Posted April 5, 2020
We were pregnant with twins (Walter Scout and Harper Lee). At the 20-week ultrasound, we got the biggest surprise of our lives; twins! The night that we hit the 21-week mark, which is traditionally a very safe timeframe, Liv was experiencing intense contractions. The doctors did everything they could, but her water broke Thursday morning (1/16).
That day we held our babies as they took their last breathes. We learned what true loss and devastation feels like.
In our dream world, we had decided that Saturday, March 21st would be the baby shower. Somethings just don’t pan out how you plan. These days we can see vapor trails of what might have been. I see three realities dancing with each other; 1. dream world 2. parallel universe, 3. reality
1. Dream World: It’s the twins baby shower day! We would have headed over to Taylor and Barrett’s house (late no doubt). Liv would have been exhausted and excited. I would have been exhausted but euphoric (mommy-daddy energy folks!).
2. Parallel Universe: The weekend of 3/21 would have been all about family and friends gathering to build our front yard fence, BBQ, and love on each other. Papa Bear would be helming the bbq, Mama P making sure everyone was having a good time, Felicity would be holding court an American Spirits meeting, while music played, assholes joked, and everyone laughed. The children of our best friends would be running through the yard…dogs barking, grown ups shouting for peace! It would have been a celebration of our love for each other, family, and framily.
3. Reality: COVID-19 has changed the rules. Friday and Saturday the work crew was small. Very small. It was only our household (me, Olivia, Lauren, and Olivia’s mom who’s visit down south has turned into a semi-permanent stay), and my dad at a distance from all.
The picture of our world is not the same. I hope someday that picture includes us trying to have children again, but until this passes, we will build new things. Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay away from anyone who doesn’t rest their head under your roof. 💜
March 23, 2020
Happy #nationalpuppyday to the three best healers. 💜 2020 is like that friend that just takes and takes and takes, but these puppers just give and give and give. Between the babies and now the loss of anything normal, we fear this year may age each of them at an increased rate. I don’t know what we did to deserve their love, but I also don’t want to scare that away. So friends, hold your furry friends closer today. I know we will. Sending thought of health, peace, and love to you all 💛💜💛
March 31, 2020
Finding the positives in sea of negatives isn’t always easy, but it’s the only way to navigate the world these days. Today we are grateful for extra puppy cuddles, attacking home projects, full bellies, the ability to enjoy phone calls with family, and lip sync battles via video with our framily.
Taking Our Lemons and Making Lemonade
April 13, 2020
Making lots of lemonade these days. While no one can control the hand you’re dealt, you can control how you play the game. 💜
Well Wishes
From our household to yours, we sincerely hope that your year has been a good year full of luck, growth, learning, and happiness. Please, if you are lucky enough to have little or big kiddos, hug them extra tight, look them in the eyes, and say I. LOVE. YOU. They are such a gift! If nothing else comes from our experience, maybe next time you start complaining about them or wishing your family away…let our story be a reminder for you of how precious your gifts are.